Bar job


Sonia Hadj Said

 

So what else do you do? You know, apart from this. Any hobbies?

Give me another one, darling. I’ll be here looking at your bra as you lean down.

No other ambition? Why so? Oh no, I’m just sitting at the bar every night.

But you’re young. Saving for travel, studying, your own business?

Give me something…

I just sit at the bar and smile as you refuse another shot for courage.

Who’s sadder do you think? At least I smile.

Give me another one, darling. You know, I don’t actually care.

They love to think they seem to be more. Just give me another one and lean down.

I’m nothing more, old man, just hiding from the disappointment

So stop asking the questions you think we want to hear.

I’m hiding from my own burden, the stupidity of thinking nothing will change.

I’m hiding from people who changed while staying the same.

You know? When you know but don’t say a thing. When you drag them with you.

When you leave and they don’t change but cope without your help.

And they don’t change but they won’t be dragged with you anymore.

They are dragged by boyfriends, jobs and families. But they are the same.

I’m hiding behind the bar as I’m an old bandage that is no longer needed.

A temporary bandage put on when necessary in case of loneliness and sadness.

I used to be mad nights, now I only watch them, from behind the bar.

I used to be friends with dreams and sleepless nights, now I watch them.

I used to be common pain and fear, now I only experience it by myself.

I used to be cheap red wine in the middle of the night.

Now I only watch. The sad souls but at least not alone.

I don’t want the boyfriend, the good job, the new tv, the abstinence.

I’m abstinent. From good old life, one begging you not to regret.

I’m hiding behind the bar, trying to be nothing more for once.

Abstinent from our common fun. Abstinent from trying too hard.

You changed but stayed the same. You’re abstinent to me.

So I’m hiding behind the bar, making people drunk as much as I can.

No no no, no abstinence in my damn life, go to hell now now now!

I’m hiding behind the bar feeding off the drunk souls, hoping to meet one

That I won’t have to drag down with me, please.

I’m hiding behind the bar, so stop asking if there is more to my life.

See you never, I guess.

Why did you have to change?

We met on the floor of the drunk club. But I stayed there while you moved on.

To a cleaner floor and cleaner thoughts with no place for the old me.

Why did you have to change?

I’m done dragging you with me and I’m sorry I ever did.

I’m hiding behind the bar and wish you all the good luck.

 
Banner image: unknown

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *