My biggest love

Sonia Hadj Said

A reader shares her experience in letting go of a friendship as she knows it 

I woke up and ran into your room. It wasn’t far of course, just a wall away. Seeing it empty brought emptiness into my heart and my soul. That’s where the term ‘soul mate’ comes from isn’t it? Because you entered mine and it loved you from day one. I know that while for me it feels like the end, for you it’s only the beginning. How funny.

We’ve been on the same journey for years. Called inseparable, we supported each other through the worst nightmares. We became each other’s family. We had no fights, we were too honest for that. No questions asked ever, and no judgement. You took me for how I was and told me it was perfect.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love you. I have never said it to anyone before and why would I? You were always enough for me.

I love you for staying close to me when I was drifting away, unsure of my own life. For all of the nights spent together, dreaming about taking over the world. For supporting me and my craziness when no one else would. For seeing a sense in everything I did. For making me feel like I was a part of something that would never end.

Yes, I know it’s not the end. I’m just trying to get my head around the idea that you have met another soul mate. Someone else you want to spend all your nights with, someone else who accepts your weirdness. And I like him, damn it. So while I’m standing in your empty room crying my eyes out, I’m also happy for you. You broke my heart a little, but you’re still my girl. If anyone dares telling me I don’t get it because I’ve never had my heart broken by a boy I will punch them. Why do people think that breaking up with your boyfriend is harder than moving away from your friend? You may have a boyfriend for months, but you have a friend for life. Don’t compare.

I will see you soon, I guess. I promise, I won’t hold back. Just give me a little time to find myself outside of our friendship. But I will see you next weekend in that gallery we love to sit outside of and talk. I will see you in the new flat and will tell you how much I love it. I never imagined you settled. It suits you. I guess I didn’t know everything about you after all.
I will see you on your wedding day and I will see you with the first baby. I will see you after the first fight with your husband and when you need a break from the kids.
Basically, as long as I will see you, I’ll be fine.


Banner image: Denny Bitte

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